Welcome to my life simple plan

so, i’m at the reference desk and this middle aged guy comes up to me.  he shows me a blank page with nothing but a tinily (is that a word?) printed website at both the top and bottom of his page.

inwardly, i groan.  our printing process is something we contract out for.  it costs .20 a page for black and white and another .75 a page if you want color.

MANY MANY MANY people do not bother with print preview and you can’t preview from the antique print station.  so, they pony up the dough and then they come and yell at me and tell me that my print station doesn’t work, or that i’m trying to rip them off.  assholes.  and the worst part is, they always ALWAYS have REALLY BAD BREATH.

so, MA guy says, all sarcastic like: Isn’t this an adorable picture of my grandchildren?

*sigh*  he does have bad breath.  i’m cool about it.  i walk him through the process and get him a full page color print with 3 photos of a couple of toddlers.  i don’t even charge him for it.  and i smile the whole time.  cuz it’s my job.

after i hand him the printout, he follows me back to the desk.  he starts in on how his grand kids live in the virgin islands and he just saw them on a visit recently. 

THEN he starts in on how the littler one was born with a penis that looked like it was already circumcised.  he tells me that the forskin began growing and peeling back.  ummm, groooossss. 

he blabs on about an operation that was going to take 4 hours blah blah blah blah blah.

i hate being at the reference desk on some days.  you’re effing trapped when this kind of shit happens.  and NO ONE EVER COMES TO RESCUE YOU.  any other day at this time and i’d have a line of fucking people asking all sorts of questions. 

not this day.

this day, i just have MA guy with shitty breath talking about his grandson’s itty bitty dick.  not another lost soul in sight for miles.

and then, he asks me if i’m married and if i’d like to go out some time.

yes, that’s how liberriens get picked up on.  on a regular basis.  despite the fat rock i wear on my finger. 

after i tell him i am happily married, he tells me i’m beautiful and that if i ever leave my husband, he’s interested.

*sigh*  i just wish they’d brush their teeth once in a while first.